If you’ve never heard of Miami’s Art Basel…you’re probably:

  (a)  Culturally bereft

  (b)  An oblivious space cadet

  (c)  From the midwest 

If you have ever bought a piece of art during Art Basel:

     (a)  You’re insanely rich, in which case, you’ve probably arrived at this website in error,

     (b)  You have zero money-management skills, nor any self-control,

     (c)  You feel that art nourishes you more than food does.

In any event, no frugal fashion-forward Miami gal should go through life without going to a few Art Basel events.  

Here’s what I do: me and my girls get all dolled up, we cab it to the galleries, we walk around and enjoy browsing, and we sip on some complimentary champagne.

See how easy it is not to spend your life savings at Art Basel?  Yes, the galleries are def the coolest places to be seen when it’s Art Basel time…but, keep in mind, the champagne, browsing the galleries and people watching are FREEEEE!

Why should YOU (or your WALLET) have to suffer for someone else’s art???? 

Let the snooty snowbirds drop the big bucks, you should just have some fun and get yourself some culture–it can be hard to come by in Miami–and Art Basel’s only once a year!

For everything Art Basel:  http://www.artbaselmiamibeach.com/

Be still my heart, my favorite gossy star and my LEAST FAVE star have been spotted together in Dallas airport before boarding their flight back to NYC on Sunday night. Who am I talking about? Ed Westwick (Chuck) and Jessica Szohr (Vanessa)! Barf! I hate that stupid Brooklyn hippie! She just bores us to no end! We were secretly (not so secretly actually) hoping she would have had the accident last night. Too bad.

But how did she land Brit Bad Boy Westwick? He’s so dreamy! Hmmm, but it does give hope for the rest of us, no? If he’d date that depressing bore why not an adorable little smartypanty?

You know you love us, Chuck. xoxo.

-Your future girlfriend (if you lose those boots)

PS- Thanks Popsugar for the pic!

Host the perfect holiday party. Here are some tips from your fave little jew who loves X-mas more than anything! I got my very own tinsel tree to prove it with a Jewish star atop. It’s a tiny piece of holiday perfection. Anyway, back to hosting the best holiday party. Here are some ideas I plan to use at my own (if I could fit more than 4 people in my apartment).

• To garnish water in a clear pitcher fill with lots and lots of ice, mint and fresh berries (strawberries, blackberries and raspberries). Put the ice in first and then stick the berries in the ice so they don’t sink. It looks really pretty and makes the water taste delish!
• For a centerpiece just put a ton of Christmas lights in a bowl in the center of the table.
• For cocktails make ice cubes out of champagne to garnish vodka drinks. It looks cute and adds some extra punch as they melt. Not down with the champagne? Make a peppermint martini or hot chocolate with peppermint schnapps. Wow your guests even more by crushing candy canes and dipping the glasses’ rims in ‘em. It’ll knock their stockings off!
• Line your ordinary plates with beautifully festive wrapping paper. Then your serving pieces will match the holiday spirit!
• Make little party favors for your friends- think cookies personalized with your friends’ names in icing or even a bowl of candy canes to go with little bows!

Be the jolly, jubilant little host you’ve always wanted to be without spending a ton!

How excited are you to see this movie!?! This is going to be one of those amazing nights where you and your friends pig out and go to the movies in sweatpants and laugh. I haven’t had one of those since HSM3…for those of you who don’t speak ‘Tween that’s High School Musical 3. Anyway, this movie looks amazing. And who doesn’t adore Kate Hudson and Annie H? Hmm besides them hating each other? The 2 fighting brides are rumored to not have got along on the set? Whose fault do you think it was? Hmm…we’re partial because we love them both. What do you think!?!

See you in January, girls! And may the best bride win…

I can’t stop watching America’s Next Top Model but if I did it would be because “Miss” J nauseates me. “He” is so painful to watch.  The stylish douche’s book will include “inspiring advice, life lessons, and self-esteem coaching for all women” with Miss J’s “colorful anecdotes.” Who do they plan to read this? His voice is like nails on a chalkboard. What qualifies him to give life advice to girls? I know you want to be one Miss J, but you’re not. NOT NOT NOT!! Yes, you may be a runway Diva but please don’t think I will listen to you about anything other than to take bigger strides at a slower pace. How could anyone listen to you when you look like this…

This was the best show on TV in ages! Why!????????????

Dear Wanna-be Pretentious Women of NYC,

If you’re on the subway in the AM, you are not Princess Diana or Jackie-O. The woman next to me had on a white hat complete with fur trim, matched with white gloves… a tad glamorous for 8am NYC if you ask me (or the 21st century). Anyway as if her snobbery and upturned nose weren’t enough to make me hate her, when I looked more closely, her white gloves were anything but white. The tops were white but the underside of her gloves were ash grey (probably from always riding the subway). So please, spare the rest of us your faux-nouveau riche attitude this early in the morning unless your white gloves are not filth-laden! If your white glove fails the white glove test, you shouldn’t be wearing them!

Love,

Smartypanties and the MTA

P.S. – This is not the finger you deserved!