Whenever I see some clueless fashion victim walk down the street here in Miami wearing daisy dukes, a winter scarf, and winter snow boots, it makes me want to grab the girl and put her on a plane to the North Pole.

For New Yorkers and other Northerners–scarves and winter boots make sense because they are FUNCTIONAL.

In Miami, winter scarfs worn over summery tops looks like you’re a fashion schizo.

Don’t get me started on UGGs with short skirts.  Not only is it sooooo over, but the new version (ie: winter boots with shorts) is ridiculous.

Honestly, it looks humorous, not fabulous. 

What’s next?  Bikini tops with snow pants???

I eat popcorn ALMOST EVERYDAY for a snack.

I used to buy microwaveable popcorn.  Each box of microwaveable popcorn, which contains 6 individual bags is more than $6.

It started to add up for me!! I had quite the costly popcorn habit!

Then, I started to read all these articles saying that the chemicals in microwaveable popcorn flavoring have been linked to lung cancer. 

I’m really into eating natural foods with as few artificial ingredients as possible.  I looked at the nutrtition information on microweavable popcorn and–YIKES!–all those mystery artificial flavorings and chemicals really freaked me out.  WTF was I putting into my body??

I decided I needed to find a different option.  So, I did a bit of research and testing.

The BEST way to make chemical-free, and cheap popcorn with no added fat is as follows:

(1) Buy a bag of popcorn kernels.  (I like Jolly Time’s White Kernels–it’s less than $2 for a huuuuuge bag that lasts me, a ravenous popcorn eater, weeks and weeks!)

(2) Buy a pack of brown paper bags.  (If you get the generic brands–you can get a pack of 50 bags for like $2!)

(3) Measure out 1/4 cup of popcorn kernels.

(4) Dump the 1/4 cup of kernels into a brown paper bag.

(5) Fold the brown paper bag over, creasing it until it’s shut.  (About 4 or 5 times)

(6)  Place brown paper bag into the microwave for about 2 minutes (times will vary slightly depending on your microwave–but less is more–don’t burn it!!!)

(7)  Take it out after popping slows considerably, open carefully (duh, steam = hot!)

(8)  Season to taste and munch away right out of the bag or whatevs, you could pour it into a bowl!!!

This is the exact same thing as air-popped popcorn.  No chemicals.  No added fat.

The only difference is that you didn’t have to buy a $12 trillion air popper!

Try it, you’ll be amazed how easy it is to have homemade air-popped, natural, popcorn!

Pssst!

Sick of constantly running out of foundation and having to spend so much money every few weeks??

When you’re putting on foundation, MIX whatever facial moisturizer you use (as ya’ll know, I’m partial to Cocoa Butter…but if you like something else, go for that!) WITH your foundation in your hand (or whatever your palette of choice is–I’m ghetto and just use the back of my hand!).

To clarify: use half the amount of foundation you would have otherwise used and combine it with a bit of moisturizer.

For this to work, ya’ll ladies need to experiment with proportion of foundation to moisturizer…it’s not an exact science, you just gotta use your own best judgment.  (Assuming you have any!)

But trust me, it works, looks exactly the same as using only foundation and if you do this you won’t need to buy foundation as often!

Extra points if your moisturizer or foundation has an SPF of 15 or higher!

After it’s all on, make sure you rub your fingers all over your face and jawline to make sure it’s all blended and natural looking.  If your foundation isn’t natural looking, you’ll look like a dumbass.

Fierce!!!

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Much Love,

Smartypanties

So how many of you out there are trying to save money, eat healthy and keep your girlish figures? Me! Me! Me!

The best thing I ever did for myself was buy a blender. I’m not talking about a $400.00 blender, I’m talking on sale at Bed Bath and Beyond for $39.00 (Oster). Every morning I make myself and my boyfriend a smoothie. They’re better than Jamba Juice and I buy 2 bags of Frozen Fruit for about what 1 single smoothie costs there! One bag of frozen fruit runs at about $3-$4 bucks. You can pick up raspberries, strawberries, blueberries, cherries, pineapple, mango, peaches and whatever your heart desires.

The frozen fruit actually works even better than fresh fruit because then you don’t have to go to the trouble of adding ice! Plus you can keep it in there to have whenever you feel like making a healthy treat! Not to mention how much cheaper it is than fresh produce which of course for me almost always, some of it goes to waste! Did I mention that Jamba Juice themselves use FROZEN FRUIT!!! (Jerks!)

The best thing about homemade smoothies is they’re cheap, low in calories and PACKED with vitamins, minerals and fiber! (and they’re real vitamins–unlike that Vitamin Water sewer water! Don’t even get me started)

Here is our smoothie recipe for those of you who want to give it a spin! All you need is your fave frozen fruits, some kind of liquid (juice or even just water), and then honey and/or yogurt are optional!

1. First you pour some juice in–we use fresh squeezed OJ but you pick what you like!

2. Then pour in all your favorite frozen fruities! Yummm…

3. Add honey or yogurt if you want

4. Put the cap back on (which I swear I’ve forgotten to do-that’s when you make your boyfriend do cleanup duty)

5. Blend and stick a straw in that sucker…I stock up on straws from Starbucks

6. The last step is the most fun…Name your smoothie–then you really feel like you’re at Jamba!
We’ve named some “Hawaii Sunset” (when we make them at night), Passion Island (used passion fruit nectar–get your minds out of the gutter), okay that’s enough
embarrassment for me…it’s fun though and good for you! Unlike the many articles to come about baking!!

This winter, scarves are all the rave! They were in fall too but now we actually need ‘em! Well, not you CA and FL people! My first rule about scarves is if it ain’t a Burberry, then don’t buy one that is supposed to look like it is! Fake Burberries are terrible! And unnecessary! There are so many scarves out there! I mean, I’m not knocking Burberry I have 4 and I’ll have them forever. But please oh please don’t buy one in Chintown that you’re convinced is a “good fake” because there is no such thing!

Here are some fabulous scarves that won’t break the bank. These are more stylish than warm. But just goes to show you, you can find cheap amazing things at Forever 21!

Sonya Plaid Scarf $7.80. Super soft square plaid scarf with frayed fringe detail.

Metallic Plaid Scarf $7.80. Lightweight plaid scarf w/sparkling metallic highlights and frayed fringe trim.

Now I’m sorry I don’t think the Forever 21 brands look any less cool than this one, from Shopbop. It’s on sale for $77.00 which is kind of silly since by next season these probably won’t be in style!  It “makes any ensemble feel instantly pulled together…” I mean it better if I’m paying 10x the price of its Forever 21 counterparts!

Now my caveat about Forever 21 is always that they make disposable clothing. It is not always nicely made. But if you’re buying a trendy piece that you’ll likely only wear 5 times anyway, it’s the way to go!

Dear Wanna-be Pretentious Women of NYC,

If you’re on the subway in the AM, you are not Princess Diana or Jackie-O. The woman next to me had on a white hat complete with fur trim, matched with white gloves… a tad glamorous for 8am NYC if you ask me (or the 21st century). Anyway as if her snobbery and upturned nose weren’t enough to make me hate her, when I looked more closely, her white gloves were anything but white. The tops were white but the underside of her gloves were ash grey (probably from always riding the subway). So please, spare the rest of us your faux-nouveau riche attitude this early in the morning unless your white gloves are not filth-laden! If your white glove fails the white glove test, you shouldn’t be wearing them!

Love,

Smartypanties and the MTA

P.S. – This is not the finger you deserved!